[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|” _builder_version=”3.22″ custom_margin=”0px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|” custom_padding=”40px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=””][et_pb_row custom_padding_last_edited=”on|” _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_margin=”0px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=””][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”3.25″ custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding__hover=”|||”][et_pb_text admin_label=”Why do I need a life coach? A life coach may seem like a vague term and if I\u2019m perfectly honest, I cringe whenever I hear it, but the truth is that everything is a part of your life: Your career, your family, your relationships, your finances, your health, your personal growth, and leadership skills, so what aspects does a life coach help with? 7 Ways a Life Coach Can Help You Try New Things You might be feeling stuck in an aspect of your life, and maybe there is something that you wish you could change, but you just don\u2019t know how to. A life coach can help you figure out where you are stuck in your life, gain a new perspective to get you unstuck, work with you to move forward with increased confidence and less stress while feeling motivated by your values versus your fears. Manage Stress Everyone has stress in their life, but if you are overwhelmed by stress, it can be debilitating. A life coach will help you with tools to process some of the emotions that are causing the stress but also help you to positively reframe stress \u2013 because we all need a little bit of tension in our lives to move towards the goals that we want to achieve. Not only will a coach help you manage stress but you will learn to thrive and make the most of the situations that are stressful. Create Positive Habits Have you ever noticed that you often know what makes you feel more energized and healthy in life (like going to the gym or eating healthy) and yet you lack the motivation to take the steps necessary to get started? A life coach will help you understand what is preventing you from doing what you know is good for you and help get you motivated. A coach will help you feel confident to go after what you truly want in your life and work and create a plan to hold yourself accountable to your goals. Help You Start a New Path If you are ready to make a significant change in your life but don\u2019t know what that change is, a life coach can help you explore your values and the things that are the most important to you. A coach will develop a plan with you to create the life and career that you want and then map out the steps to get there. A life coach will help you not only define a new path that is right for you but also help build the confidence and motivation to overcome any obstacles that may arise along the way. Increased Sense of Self-Worth Some people have low self-esteem and don\u2019t even realize it which negatively affects every aspect of their life. When you speak to a life coach, they will help you to develop a more objective and accurate assessment of the strengths and values (that you may not even be aware of) which will help you to redefine and have bigger goals and give you the motivation and confidence to achieve them. Change the Way You Think When you look at a situation, do you see the negative more than the positive? Do you recognize that this limits your opportunities? Just because you think that way now, doesn\u2019t mean you always have to. A life coach will help you to look at situations differently and help you glide past the barriers that you have created for yourself which will open up new opportunities and possibilities in your life and career. Move Past Emotional Pain Most of us have experienced some form of emotional pain throughout our lives and have been taught to %22suck it up.%22 What people often don\u2019t realize is that this emotion that we\u2019ve held onto for so long is taking up space and often keeps us from moving forward in our lives. Often emotions are not only painful to get past on our own but often have been there for so long that we are often not even aware of them. A life coach can help you look at and experience these emotions in a safe space which will create the space and energy to move forward in your life. If you want to know more about what a life coach can do for you, give me a call. We can set-up a free, no obligation consultation that will allow you to understand what coaching is about and if I am the right coaching fit for you.” _builder_version=”4.5.5″ custom_margin=”0px||0px|” custom_margin_tablet=”” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=”” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|” hover_enabled=”0″]Fairness is an important value of mine and the basic belief that life is fair has been a touchstone for me; a comfort when something doesn\u2019t go my way or something bad happens to someone, that life will eventually balance that out with something good.<\/p>\n
My husband and I recently had a discussion about it.\u00a0 He doesn\u2019t think life is fair at all and believes that bad things happen to good people all the time that don\u2019t deserve it and it\u2019s not always balanced with something good.\u00a0 I initially found myself feeling sorry for him for having this point of view and defended as I always do the idea of karma; that over time things will balance out and good things will happen to good people and people who harm or hurt others will have it returned to them.<\/p>\n
The discussion around fairness came up because I\u2019d been feeling very angry about it.\u00a0 My really high ranking value of fairness has been stepped on as of late especially with regards to what is happening in the world; from small things like people leaving their shopping carts in the middle of the parking lot at the grocery store or seeing people throw their garbage in parks or on the side of the road to bigger issues like watching self-serving people who are looking out for their own best interests, stepping on others and never seeming to have to face any real consequences; while others are losing their livelihoods, or their lives, or risking their safety in order to do their jobs or to help other people and the generation that will come after us live in a more fair world.\u00a0 I see people valuing their \u2018personal freedom\u2019 over the greater good or the well-being of the people in their communities, all while justifying or pretending that they don\u2019t see the people suffering around them or how their actions are negatively impacting others.\u00a0 In fact, I see bad things happening to good people all the time.<\/p>\n
In pursuit of closing the gap between what I believe and what I\u2019ve been seeing in the world recently, I thought a lot about my beliefs around fairness and came to the realization that the world is definitely not<\/u> a fair place and it is my holding on to the belief that life is fair that is actually causing me distress.\u00a0 Here\u2019s why:<\/strong><\/p>\n The belief that the world is fair creates a transactional view of life \u2013 do good, get good, do bad, get bad, bad thing happens, good things are coming, good thing happens, bad things are coming \u2013 it keeps you small and keeping score.\u00a0 It perhaps also motivates us to do good things not because it\u2019s the right thing to do or sincere, but because we believe we will get something good in return begging the question, so is it really a good thing?<\/p>\n Believing that life is fair may be comforting but in a non-productive lazy way. \u00a0Banschick (2011) writes \u201cwhether you are Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist or Agnostic, many are reassured by the spiritual notion that \u2018what goes around comes around.\u2019\u00a0They reassure us that there is fairness in life that is not always visible.\u201d[1]<\/span><\/a> This motivates us to do nothing or at least nothing for now as we are waiting for someone else or perhaps some higher power to do something about it.\u00a0 We are also hesitant to reach out to help or change things that we perceive to be unfair because who are we to mess with the fairness balance that exists in the world.<\/p>\n It creates apathy and a feeling that you\u2019re not accountable for the state of the world. As Sherman (2018) writes \u201cIf something greater than you is reliably enforcing fairness, you don\u2019t have to\u201d.[2]<\/span><\/a>\u00a0 Perhaps we start unintentionally justifying why bad things happen to good people to try to make sense of the world and to make ourselves feel better\/safer which is actually a very scary thing to do (all you have to do is turn on the news or look at horrific things that we have let happen in our human history).<\/p>\n Subconsciously it makes me think, if life is supposed to be fair and bad things are happening to good people, when will it get around to bad things happening to me. Or, it just makes me feel guilty for the good things in my life.<\/p>\n It also instills a low grade anxiety that when things are going particularly well, to be on the lookout for the inevitable bad thing that will happen to balance the score (otherwise known as \u2018waiting for the other shoe to drop\u2019).<\/p>\n It took me a few days to process all of this but releasing myself from the belief that life is fair was cathartic and does this:<\/p>\n Fairness moves away from being a roll of the dice or an intangible thing in the air around me or something happening (or not happening), to a focused conscious action that I can take right in front of me to try to make things more fair through my choices and actions.\u00a0 It is an ideal that I feel empowered to strive for.\u00a0 I feel more motivated and free.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t get me wrong, I still value fairness and still believe that if you do good work, good things will happen but not because it\u2019s owed to you, but because of your consistent efforts.\u00a0 The reverse is also true.\u00a0 It\u2019s simply about reframing Life being Unfair to something positive and feeling both accountable and empowered to help make what you can more fair (if that is important to you).\u00a0 We all know the Edmund Burke quote \u201cThe only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.\u201d<\/a>\u00a0 I can honestly say that looking back, perhaps I haven\u2019t been guilty of doing nothing, but I\u2019ve definitely been guilty of not doing enough.\u00a0 That changes today.<\/p>\n –<\/p>\n\n
We give people in our lives a pass when we know we shouldn\u2019t.<\/h3>\n<\/blockquote>\n
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What are your beliefs around fairness?\u00a0 How have they benefitted or not benefitted you?<\/h4>\n